i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
