I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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