Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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