Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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