Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
