I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
