dude i'm inner monologue high
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
