he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
