They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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