I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
