After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
