I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
