My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
