We won't sleep together?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
