i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
