Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
