she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
