he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
