I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
