Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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