so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
