it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
