At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
