there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
is it fun? or sober?
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