You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
