what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
