This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
