If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
