did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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