is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
