got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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