Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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