he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
