Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
