Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
