The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
