I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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