btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
