I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
