At least make sure they are 18
Why
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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