Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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