Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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