dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
