I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i think i just lost a toe
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
