3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize