I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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