Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize