worst night to have a conscience
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
