No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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