dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
