I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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