"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
