when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
