took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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