So drunk its hurt
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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