I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
