The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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