so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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