i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
