i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
