god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
