its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
